Erik's Sextape LEAKED

It was not a good week for the Anticollusion Colluision Club. Not only were most of last weeks matchups absolute beatdowns, but we find ourselves past the halfway point of the season with both Cassidys at the top of the league and still no clear frontrunner on who can even take Joe down. This season has been a complete crapshoot in between the 1 and 10 spots, but at least we can all count on Roberto being winless as the one point of stability in our lives. Let's hope better times are ahead... lets get this over with.

S Tier

(–) 1. GANG GANG (7-0) (5 Week Streak)

This week's matchup vs Erik was supposed to be a marquee matchup between the top two teams. Instead, Joe ended up blowing him out 199-165 in what was an underperformance from Erik more than anything and was a valuable contribution into sending Erik onto a massive tilt last night... but more on that later. God damn is this team just dominant. I will no longer question his skills at QB streaming after Mitch dropped the dad dick. Two 190-point games and not a single game under 150 all season, will the byes even stop you????? Ant is the next person to try and stop an increasingly realistic undefeated regular season from happening. Until you lose I have nothing else to say about you.

A Tier

(+3) 2. TUCK RULE (5-2)

We have entered the darkest timeline. Cuck has reached the stage of the season where his team clicks together and starts to go off on a convincing series of wins that inflate his head to just about the size of his gut. How did he get to this point after an awful start to the season? The Disneyland Curse has something to do with it, Erik didn't say hi to Clark, and now both teams have completely changed trajectories as a result... why? Only Erik truly knows... but we'll get to that later. Check was totally have been the beneficiary of a dominant Broncos D and my team laying a goose egg, but he's the only 5-2 team and on a 4 game win streak, which warrants #2 for the week. Krusty gets a shot at bye-weakened and demoralized Gio next week, so I can easily see him moving to 6-2 and extending the gap in between himself and the B Tier if any of the 4-win teams fail to win.

B Tier

(+1) 3. Prob Cuffed Erik (3-4)

Allow me to share with you the Tragic Story of Erik Naranjo- a tale that spans 2 leagues:

3 weeks ago, our boy Erik was 3-1 in this league and 4-0 in dynasty, showing a red hot start and emerging as the surprise of our dynasty league, where he is much more hated than with us, who we worship like the sex god he is.
Fast forward to this Sunday, not only has he extended his losing streak to 3 in both leagues, but he also watched Kareem Hunt dad dick him on Monday night in both of his matchups to seal the loss AND was the second-highest scorer in both leagues. I hope this gives background to why Erik has gone on the tilt of a lifetime, his storylines in both leagues have converged into one and the same, and it all started with a certain event... To lend even more proof that this is the work of Fantasy Gods Brujeria, he plays me in both of these leagues next week. The Disneyland Curse is starting to take a bigger toll on Erik than the Boat Party has for the Giants.

(-1) 4. Injury Reserve v2 (4-3)

The Injury Reserve has proven to transcend seasons and Ant has solidified his reputation in this league as a hospital wing. Not only did he fall into the trap of collecting the Standby RB1s on his bench, but Sunday injuries to Gronk, Matt Breida and Sony Michel easily cost him an win vs Nauch, who responded with one of the most savage "Sorry, Bro"s of all time. Mathematically, his whole bench can now be full of Ds Qs and Os, and it's only a matter of time before things his crisis levels.... again. Ant needs to learn from the lessons of last year and act quick, if I were you I'd take this matchup vs the Joeggernaut as a bye week and rest your injured players.

(+3) 5. 2G1Kupp (4-3)

Hey so maybe that burn of Nauch on last week's power rankings was a bit excessive, but you gotta admit Ant's injuries bailed him out this week considering his team won by only 7. Still, that victory came with his 2 best wideouts on the bench and a black hole at RB2. Nauch could still surprise if his team can ever get to full strength, but the lack of depth is very apparent. So congrats, you are the next contestant on the worlds worst gameshow "who will lose to Roberto first?" and you still don't have Bell to save you. 

(+1) 6. Fat Mahomes (3-4)

Patty Mahomes continues to eat, but so did the rest of Hurtado's team as he stepped on Roberto's head to crawl out of the hole they both started in this season. Our boy Jonny needs to seriously consider getting a Mahomes or Ertz jersey at the end of this season if he wins the Championship, considering the fact they have been carrying his team while he tries to figure out his RB situation out. Hurtado plays a resurgent Weege next week and is a pivotal matchup for both teams in their quests for just being relevant.

(-5) 7. : ( (3-4)

Ouch. Quite the drop but I did indeed massively overvalue Gio at 2 last week so that needed to be corrected. He, like many others in fantasy that don't take it seriously, fell victim to the ol' London Game-time scratch and watched Melvin Gordon not put up the 18 points you needed for a win (not to mention starting the wrong TE). Gio's team, like Erik's, has stuttered after a hot start, but his reasons are much more clear, the football gods are punishing you for your arrogance. I beg you to repent before your matchup with Charlie next week, maybe they'll reward you with an upset despite the bye-pocalypse your team is facing.

(-2) 8. Let's Go Red Sox (4-3)

What a week for my team to crap out. Thursday night football pretty much set the tone for the week's matchup, as I never stood a chance in hell after Jonathan essentially gifted this game to Cheech with Denver. I gotta say though this dicking hasn't left my ass too sore. The Denver smackdown got rid of Mike McCoy, so David Johnson may finally be free and Kerryon had his breakout game. Next week's matchups vs Erik is only a must win in dynasty, so I wouldn't mind losing to him in here.. someone needs to look like they can beat the Cassidys. I just want to know when the fantasy gods are gonna punish Chester for once.

C Tier

(+1) 9. League Furniture (2-5)

Winner winner chicken dinner. Thanks for getting this W off against Gio as now he is the laughingstock of the league for losing to the former holder of that title due to some more bumbling managerial decisions. Weege is living proof that you can come back to make playoffs from any deficit at this point in this smoke screen playoff system, hopefully this prevents you from tacoing out for a few more weeks... try and convince Roberto to do the same and start to shift to playing spoiler for the top teams. A win vs Hurtado next week would give Weege a vital tiebreaker as both are fringe playoff teams at the moment.

(-1) 10. Forever Washed (0-7)

6 weeks left in the regular season and the first divisional elimination has occurred. Happens when the undefeated and winless guy are in the same division. With Roberto 3 games back behind the playoff threshold and an abysmal PF, things aren't looking good for Roberto's season. His next matchups vs Nauch and Weege are his last chances at getting some momentum before closing the season out on a tough 4 game stretch. Just don't give up until you at least pull out a win... that's my advice for you.